I delayed posting this so it didn’t get swamped in the mass of April Fool’s gags everywhere, and also because I was ill over Easter. Buried in the Guild Wars patch notes for April 1st were a few surprising game updates:

Several new monster-only shouts have been added.

“Lolwut!?”: used after an ally dies.

“Noob!”: used after killing any foe.

“That’s imba!”: used after dying at the hands of any foe.

As well as gems like:

When using a pet skill, your character will now shout out what skill the pet should use. For example, if your pet is named Moachu, and you use Bestial Pounce, your character will shout, “Moachu! Use Bestial Pounce!”

The full Guild Wars 1st April game update notes, in all it’s hilarity, follows:

Update April 1, 2010
Skill Updates & Additions

Assassin:

No changes for Assassins.

Dervish:

Mysticism: this attribute now returns 1 Energy for every rank of Mysticism.

Avatar of Grenth: now removes an enchantment with every attack.

Balthazar’s Rage, Grenth’s Fingers, and Staggering Force now deal their damage when removed.

Elementalist:

Added friendly fire to all Elementalist area-of-effect attacks.

Conjures now work regardless of the weapon’s elemental mod and can stack.

Deep Freeze, Earthquake, Lightning Storm, and Rodgort’s Invocation now affect foes within radar range.

Mesmer:

Blackout: now a ranged skill; doesn’t blackout the caster.

Distortion: added the following functionality: “You have +10 to your Politics and Reporting attributes.”

Diversion: spell duration is now infinite; effect on target foe is increased to 120 seconds.

Price of Pride: now deals 5…40 damage for each title track the target foe has maxed.

Sympathetic Visage: changed functionality to: “While you have this skill equipped, pick-up groups must let you join.”

Monk:

Amity (PvP): increased casting time to 60 seconds. If this spell completes, the match ends in a draw.

Banish: changed functionality to: “Target foe may not return to this map for 1…8…10 years.”

Pacifism: changed functionality to: “For 8…18…20 seconds, target foe cannot play Guild Wars. It has ‘war’ in the name.”

Smiter’s Boon (PvP): increased casting time to 5 seconds.

Spirit Bond: removed restriction on the maximum number of hits.

Supportive Spirit: changed functionality to: “Create a level 1…12…15 Supportive Spirit. Whenever an ally in range has a skill fail, the Supportive Spirit casts Words of Comfort on that ally.”

Words of Comfort: now heals for 15…51…60, and removes Anguish.

Necromancer:

All vampiric skills, when equipped, now cause your character to sparkle in sunlight.

Rigor Mortis: added the following functionality: “Must target a dead foe.”

Rising Bile: added the following functionality: “Any effects from consumables are negated.”

Paragon:

Chants and Shouts can now be activated by voice command.

Echoes can now be cast on Ritualist spirits.

Ranger:

When using a pet skill, your character will now shout out what skill the pet should use. For example, if your pet is named Moachu, and you use Bestial Pounce, your character will shout, “Moachu! Use Bestial Pounce!”

Apply Poison: this skill no longer works on bow attacks.

Fertile Season: changed functionality to: “If two or more animals of the same type, level 5 or higher, are adjacent to each other, a level 1 animal of that type is created.”

Nature’s Renewal: this skill can now be used only when standing near flowers.

Otyugh’s Cry: added the following functionality: “All nearby neutral pets attack the target foe.”

Point Blank Shot: reduced to touch range.

Sloth Hunter’s Shot: added the following functionality: “+10…25 damage vs. sloths.”

Ritualist:

Weapon spells can now be cast on spirits.

Disenchantment: all skills used by players in its area of effect automatically fail.

Mighty Was Vorizun: changed functionality to: “While you hold the Ashes of Vorizun, you have 50% more 3G coverage, but you cannot use the item you really want to.”

Vengeful Was Khanhei: changed functionality to: “While you hold Khanhei’s ashes, skills used on you are interrupted, but are allowed to finish when you drop his ashes. This skill is the best item spell of all time. OF ALL TIME.”

Warrior:

Changed base armor to be 100, but -60 against lightning damage.

“For Great Justice!”: added the following functionality: “Every zig takes off.”

Disarm: now causes target foe to drop any currently equipped weapon to the ground.

Griffon’s Sweep: changed functionality to: “Summons a Griffon ally to your location. This ally fights for you for 30 seconds. You may have more than one Griffon ally at one time.”

Healing Signet: now usable by all professions.

Leviathan’s Sweep: changed functionality to: “Summons a Leviathan ally to your location. This ally fights for you for 30 seconds. You may have more than one Leviathan ally at one time.”

Classic Skills:

By popular demand, the Guild Wars Classic Skill Pack has been added to the Guild Wars In-Game Store. Now, players can relive the days of yore with this exciting selection of skills that function as they did when they were released. The Classic Skill Pack includes the following:

- “I Will Avenge You!”

- Aegis

- Mantra of Recovery

- Order of the Vampire

- Shadow Form

- Signet of Ghostly Might

- Smiter’s Boon

- Ursan Blessing

- And many more!

Heroes:

The Great Betrayer Shiro Tagachi now joins your party as the third Assassin hero. He’s been killed twice already, but he got better!

Durability:

Weapons and armor now have durability. Durability decreases whenever you take damage or use a skill. When the durability for an item reaches 0, that item is destroyed. Repair Kits (100 uses) are available from the Guild Wars In-Game Store.

PvP:

Added support in the PvP character-creation process for the following playable races:

- Centaurs
- Charr
- Elves
- Forgotten
- Orcs
- Tengu
- Titans

Hard Mode Adjustments:

Now called Hard-Core Mode.

All player deaths in Hard-Core Mode are permanent.

Permanently dead characters can still log in, but they may only visit the Underworld map and cannot trade, access account storage, or interact with merchants.

Creature AI Updates:

A number of refinements have been made to more closely simulate PvP play:

Monsters now intelligently pre-kite opponents.

Monsters now retreat when hurt.

Monsters with shields will now swap shields based on player damage type.

Monsters sometimes cancel spells when fighting Mesmers and Rangers to draw out interrupts.

Many monsters now copy their builds from a wiki.

Monsters now have a chance to resign if they do not have a monk.

Several new monster-only shouts have been added.

“Lolwut!?”: used after an ally dies.

“Noob!”: used after killing any foe.

“That’s imba!”: used after dying at the hands of any foe.

Miscellaneous:

Enlarged the world to provide greater opportunity for exploration.

Playable characters can now swim.

Reset all players’ Cartographer titles due to new world size and accessibility.

Updated Alliance Battles in Factions so the battle line is now affected by a third supportable faction: Ninjas.

Integrated some features of the Guild Wars 2 graphics engine to enhance gameplay experience:

Updated grass texture.

Tightened up the graphics on level 3.

Added support to the Hall of Monuments to teleport Guild Wars characters into Guild Wars 2.

There’s some more expansion of the Guild Wars storyline with the news that a new novel, linking Guild Wars with Guild Wars 2, is due to be published. The Ghosts of Ascalon is written by Matt Forbeck and Jeff Grubb, and aims to set the stage for the storyline of Guild Wars 2.

Desperate to defend his land from advancing hordes of bestial charr, King Adelbern summoned the all-powerful Foefire to repel the invaders. But magic can be a double-edged sword—the Foefire burned both charr and human alike. While the charr corpses smoldered, the slain Ascalonians rose again, transformed by their king’s rage into ghostly protectors and charged with guarding the realm—forever. The once mighty kingdom became a haunted shadow of its former glory.

The novel looks like it’ll be a great read, not just for Guild Wars players. Scheduled for release in Summer 2010, the events are set a year before Guild Wars 2 and is just the first of a number of planned novels that will expand the already rich Guild Wars storyline.

You can read more about this new Guild Wars novel by checking out the FAQ at http://www.guildwars2.com/en/world/ghosts-of-ascalon/faq/

It’s time once again to celebrate the Canthan New Year in Guild Wars. This year it’s the Year of the Tiger, which means more fun and games on the Shing Jea Boardwalk as well as a visit from the Celestial Tiger.

The Canthan New Year festival will kick off this Friday, 12th February, at 8pm GMT, and run until 8pm GMT on Monday, 15th February. The Celestial Tiger will be making his visits every three hours at the height of the festival, on Sunday 14th February.

As well as the Rollerbeetle Racing and Shing Jea Boardwalk games, there will be the usual special quests and missions, which will grant special Festival Rewards.

Smaller scale festivals will be taking place in Kamadan and Lion’s Arch, which have already been decorated for the New Year. Remember though that the special missions, games, and the Celestial Tiger will only be visiting Shing Jea Monastery in Cantha.

Here’s the full list of Festival Rewards which are available from vendors, games, and missions during the Canthan New Year festivities:

	Sugary Blue Drink It’s sweet and oh-so-handy when you need a quick boost of speed. (for 2 minutes you move 50% faster) Grants +1 point to Sweet Tooth Title Track
	Champagne Popper A brief-but-spectacular treat for the eyes and ears. They’re a blast! Grants +1 point to Party Animal Title Track
	Bottle Rocket Set off a single-shot firework high overhead—please aim away from faces and moa birds. Grants +1 point to Party Animal Title Track
	Sparkler Light this up to create a cloud of sparks over your head—stand clear of flammable objects. Grants +1 point to Party Animal Title Track
	Red Bean Cake These sweet treats put some pep in your step. (for 5 minutes run 25% faster) Grants +2 points to Sweet Tooth Title Track
	Bottle of Rice Wine The traditional festival beverage. Don’t drink and quest! Grants +1 point to Drunkard Title Track
	Red Gift Bag It’s festive, it’s red, and you’ll never know what’s in it until you open it.
	Lunar Fortune Find out for sure how good or bad your luck will be in the coming year.
	Lunar Token Collect these tokens throughout the festival and trade them in for prizes.
	Crate of Fireworks Open it inside your Guild Hall and move a safe distance away!

Help the Celestial Chefs collect the ingredients to make their offerings to the Celestial Tiger, and then claim your special items and Festival Rewards when he visits.

You can also collect a Celestial Tiger miniature – grab those Lunar Tokens and make sure the Celestial Chefs can cook up a storm for the Celestial Tiger’s visit to Guild Wars in the Canthan New Year.